The Orc Grunted: Ravings of a Drunk Hero in Faerie-land

Everyone has to do some sword and sorcery at least once in a life time. This is a small piece of my “once in a life time.” It got so depressing that I had to drop it, although elements appear in one other story. This is not the depressing bit.

Kevin stared blearily at the orc beside him. “Ith’s like thah movie. Yeah. This old woman giffff–fffs this young guy a locket witthh a picture of herself as a young women inthide it. Barman, my glasssst empty.”

The orc grunted, spearing the squealing rodent on his plate with a bone handled knife.

The barman, a shifty eyed human, shook his head, “I think you’ve had enough, friend.”

“Um not dronk,” Kevin insisted as he reached for the bottle in front of him and missed.

“Whatever you say,” the barman replied noncommittally.

“Welll, anyway, the guy falls in love wivth the girl in the picshure. And he traffels back in time to when she was young…and get this…he GIVES HER the locket. Where,” Kevin paused dramatically, watching the orc, “did the locketh come from? He never popped over to the jeweler. I’m telling you the locket was a time pair o’ docks…paradox. The locket bloody caused the whole thing and nobody noticed. And I’m telling you, that’th why um here.”

The orc grunted.

“You’re here because of a locket?”

“The locket didn’t exissht. It was a rip in time/space. And that’ch why I’m here…Nost’not. That locketeths deafnately not why um here.” Kevin finally grabbed the bottle in the middle and tipped it into his glass.

“There’s another locket then?” the barman questioned, wiping up the liquor that Kevin was pouring onto the polished surface of the table.

“No. No. Not another locketh. Thlocketchs a s-symbol. Um here because there was another paradox. Deafnately another pair of docks.” Kevin slumped n the table and began to snore. The orc riffled through his clothing, but he found nothing more interesting that a chocolate bar that had been melted no less than six times and sat on once.

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